Humorous Jokes and Funny Stories about Golf - 1

Golf

What do you call a crazy golfer?
A crack putt.

Golf

Near the end of a tense golf match, a temperamental player was thrown off his game. His caddie, it seems, had developed a severe case of hiccups. It continued for several holes and finally on the eighteenth hold the man's drive sliced into a grove of trees. Slamming his club to the ground, he turned on his caddie. ''That was because of you and your hiccups!'' ''But, I didn't hiccup then, sir,'' protested the caddie. ''That's just the point,'' screamed the player. ''I had 'allowed' for it!''

Golf

God and St. Peter were playing golf one day. St. Peter teed his ball up and hit it. It was a real nice shot about three hundred yards down the fairway. Then God teed his ball up. He took a big swing and hit it. At first it looked like a real nice shot. Then all of a sudden, it hooked and started for the woods. Just before it went into the woods, a bird flew out and grabbed the ball and flew over the water trap and let it go. Just before it went into the water, a turtle surfaced. The ball landed on it's back as he swam to the shore. Just as the turtle got to the shore, a squirrel ran out of the woods and grabbed the ball. Then the squirrel ran up on the green and dropped the ball in the cup. St. Peter turned to God and said, ''Are we gonna play golf, or are you gonna mess around!!''

Golf

Golf - the sport in which you shout ''Fore!'', shoot five and write three.

Golf

No matter how you slice it, it's still a golf ball.

Golf

''How should I have played that last shot?'' the bad golfer asked his caddy. ''Under an assumed name'' was the reply.

Golf

Golfer: Caddy, why do you keep looking at your watch?
Caddy: It's not a watch, it's a compass.

Golf

The golfer had lost his ball and was a little annoyed with his caddy: ''Why didn't you watch where it went?'' ''Well sir,'' said the caddy, ''it don't usually go anywhere, so when you did hit the ball, it sort of caught me by surprise.''

Golf

Useless Golfer: I expect you get a good many weekenders on this golf course?
Caddie: Yes, plus quite a few weak beginners.

Golf

''Can you count,'' asked the golfer to the caddy asking for a job. ''Yes sir,'' said the boy. ''Can you add,'' asks the golfer. ''Yes sir,'' said the boy. ''Okay then, how much is 4 + 5 + 7 ?'' ''9 sir.'' ''Excellent, you got the job!''