Humorous Jokes and Funny Stories about Computers - 1

Computer

Which way did the computer programmer go?
He went data way.

Computer

What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used car salesman?
A used car salesman knows when he's lying.

Computer

Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Computer

Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught.

Computer

Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.

Computer

Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

Computer

Old computer hackers never die, they just go to bits.

Computer

Tech Support: ''I need you to right-click on the Desktop.'' Customer: ''Ok.'' Tech Support: ''Did you get a pop-up menu?'' Customer: ''No.'' Tech Support: ''Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'' Customer: ''No.'' Tech Support: ''Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'' Customer: ''Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'.''

Computer

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys. ''The one to the left costs $500,'' says the storeowner. ''Why so much?'' asks the customer. ''Because it can program in C,'' answers the storeowner. The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told that ''That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology.'' The startled man then asks about the third monkey. ''That one costs $5000,'' answers the storeowner. ''$5000!'' exclaims the man. ''What can that one do?'' To which the owner replies, ''To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant.''

Computer

Nanosecond: The time it takes after your warranty expires for your hard disk to start making a sound like a monkey wrench in a blender.